Are you silently living with a confidence crisis?

“Experience tells you what to do; confidence allows you to do it.”

– Stan Smith

As an executive life coach I help emerging female leaders to shape their personal leadership style and get confident about who they are in the workplace.

I recently took a small survey of women in business to understand what they really struggled with, and where they were looking for support. The answers leaned overwhelmingly in one direction.

“I need help with my CONFIDENCE.”

Top line – It’s common to struggle with confidence

More often than not, women privately acknowledged at least some level of self-doubt around their own capability and performance, their ability to inspire and lead others and their overall confidence in being assertive and having their voice heard. One thing I can reassure you from having these conversations is that most people have experienced this feeling at some point in their careers.

It’s natural as we move into new territory and higher level opportunities that there is a period of catching up with ourselves, as we move from recognising all the ways that we are not fully competent, through growth and into mastery. It’s a vulnerable feeling to stretch beyond our comfort zone, one I’m painfully familiar with myself, and if you are ambitious with a mindset to embrace growth it will be a feeling you encounter often.

While there are certainly many more factors in the workplace which might hold women back beyond a lack of confidence, it’s worth examining the issue in ourselves to see whether a mindset shift can help us to get unstuck, get out of our own head, and more ably embrace doing the things we know we should, and can, do.

It can be hard to have truly vulnerable workplace conversations. Networking for mentor or peer support can fill that gap.

It can be truly powerful to know that our private struggles are more universal than we realise, and for this reason I do encourage women to seek out safe spaces to have productive conversations about their experience.

Often, women reported, there was a total lack of people from whom to seek advice and support. It’s difficult to admit your failings (or perceived failings) to your boss, it feels unprofessional and uninspiring to admit your struggles to your reports, and there is no one at peer level with whom you feel safe to open up and share your challenges as a leader. It can be very isolating. The defensive silence means a lack of collaboration on solutions, and holds us back needlessly.

Left unchecked a lack of confidence can be an insidious damager, manifesting in negative ways in both our bodies and health, and in our leadership of others.

It can show up as ‘Imposter Syndrome’, perfectionism, overwork and lack of time for self because we are constantly tying our self-esteem to our productivity. Micro-management is not a leadership style, it’s a lack of trust. The symptom of our inability to empower others and encourage their own growth (while gracefully accepting the mistakes that may happen on their way to mastery). It can also manifest in a reluctance to delegate, both overburdening for ourselves, and restrictive of opportunity for others.

Emotional hijacking can really do a number on us

One thing that can be particularly hard to admit (but which is a common experience) is that high pressure situations or difficult exchanges can leave us feeling vulnerable, criticised and unable to express ourselves fluently in the moment. Women report feeling extremely emotional about certain work scenarios from time to time, and they may not always be able to maintain a poker face during the experience. That familiar feeling of finding the perfect elegant response later that evening is simply a result of the freeze, fight or flight response switch turning off after we have calmed down. When we are relaxed we can think clearly, and so the answer comes.

There are quick and simple somatic techniques which we can employ to get a handle on ourselves in the moment. And you can train yourself out of a judgmental mindset into a more questioning one, which is a helpful technique to bring the defensive temperature down and make others (and ourselves) feel seen.

Ask for help, and seek it in safe places

I do believe there is a remedy for this female confidence crisis. It comes from the power of connection and the courage to seek advocates and support. Sincere self reflection challenges us to truly embrace what we don’t yet see and adopt a learner mindset towards our own growth. Have at least one place where you can embrace your vulnerability, talk through your challenges and get a clear head about what you may (or may not) be able to do about them. Maybe even get some ideas from others who have overcome similar issues.

It’s so natural for women to help and endorse others, yet, in a professional setting, we don’t do it enough. Is there a female equivalent to the golf course? There should be.

Mastermind groups are a powerful tool in your armoury for connection, support and learning.

Six themes that can help you to outsmart your self-doubt at work.

You do not have to do it all on your own. That’s not even a great strategy. We are so much better together.

If you’re interested in exploring your leadership potential, a small coaching Mastermind can be a great place to reflect and make supportive connections. If you’d like to know more about Alchemy’s next group, starting 7th June 2021 please ping me a note! Based on the leadership survey responses, we will be exploring the following six themes in monthly sessions:

Confidence in the workplace – Leading from your strengths
What gets in your way? – Overcoming your saboteurs using positive intelligence
Who are you? – Knowing your values and leading from integrity
What leadership means to you – Crafting your leadership personality
Psychological safety in the workplace – Assertiveness and inspiring others
Discernment in your network – Who you surround yourself with matters